Log in

Sheltered Garden

I have had enough.
I gasp for breath.

Every way ends, every road,
every foot-path leads at last
to the hill-crest --
then you retrace your steps,
or find the same slope on the other side,

I have had enough --
border-pinks, clove-pinks, wax-lilies,
herbs, sweet-cress.

O for some sharp swish of a branch --
there is no scent of resin
in this place,
no taste of bark, of coarse weeds,
aromatic, astringent --
only border on border of scented pinks.

Have you seen fruit under cover
that wanted light --
pears wadded in cloth,
protected from the frost,
melons, almost ripe,
smothered in straw?

Why not let the pears cling
to the empty branch?
All your coaxing will only make
a bitter fruit --
let them cling, ripen of themselves,
test their own worth,
nipped, shrivelled by the frost,
to fall at last but fair
with a russet coat.

Or the melon --
let it bleach yellow
in the winter light,
even tart to the taste --
it is better to taste of frost --
the exquisite frost --
than of wadding and of dead grass.

For this beauty,
beauty without strength,
chokes out life.
I want wind to break,
scatter these pink-stalks,
snap off their spiced heads,
fling them about with dead leaves --
spread the paths with twigs,
limbs broken off,
trail great pine branches,
hurled across the melon-patch,
break pear and quince --
leave half-trees, torn, twisted
but showing the fight was valiant.

O to blot out this garden
to forget, to find a new beauty
in some terrible
wind-tortured place.


Sep. 17th, 2011

Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.


Stolen from a few of you..

Leave me a comment with the corresponding number(s) and I'll tell you:

1 Five ways to my heart.
2 Something I feel strongly about.
3 A book I love.
4 Things I want to say to an ex.
5 Five pet peeves.
6 What I ate today.
7 How important I think education is.
8 I'll put my music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play.
9 Five guys people whom I find attractive.
10 My opinion about my body and how comfortable I am with it.
11 What I wore today.
12 My zodiac/horoscope and if I think it fits my personality.
13 Something I always think "what if..." about.
14 Something that I'm proud of.
15 A problem I have had.
16 Five items I lust after.
17 My fears.
18 How I hope my future will be like.
19 Something that I miss.
20 Five words/phrases that make me laugh.
21 Something I'm currently worrying about.
22 Things I like and dislike about myself.
23 A quote I try to live by.
24 Somewhere I'd like to move to or visit.
25 Five weird things that I like.
26 One thing I'm excited for.


3 Peaks Challenge

So, 4 of my colleagues (Mike, Ian, Paris and Darius) recently undertook the 24 hour, 3 Peaks Challenge. They did ridiculously well, managing it in 26 hours and 57 minutes - which considering the weather being a bit damn shitty, was an incredible achievement!

They're raising money to split between two very worthwhile causes;

Darius' page for Macmillian Cancer Support

Mikes page for The Teenage Cancer Trust

Their target amount was £1500, and we're currently stood at about £1300. So this is a gentle plea to everyone on my LJ, please donate of you can and help them to raise their target! We've done loads of fundraising, had dress up weekends at work etc which has all been really good fun.

We'd really appreciate your support.

All the monies will be split directly between the two charities, but you can choose which one you'd prefer to donate to by using the links above.

Please help us, even if it's just 50p.... Think how much extra we'd get if we all did that :D

Thanks for listening to my waffle!

Picture of the boys to follow :D



...was amazing. Full update when i finish writing up my journal, but for now have a few pics :D This first one isn't flattering, but pretty much sums up my whole trip! :)

Few scenery shots under the cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut......Collapse )

Writer's Block: Friends 4 ever

Do you have a best friend? How old is your friendship?

I do. He is my one true constant, my support, my inspiration and i love him very much. Our friendship is still very new, we've known each other 8 months. But i can't imagine being without him now!

This would be a rather bad picture...

... of my newest tattoo. Next up, either starting on my half sleeve or one of Chloe's cupcakes. Or both ;)


Jun. 30th, 2011

Ghana is 32 days away. That is all.

Jun. 20th, 2011

I have butterflies in my stomach
fluff in my head
and a smile on my face
and all i needed to do was to be open minded and have some patience

YES, life is good right now

i ♥ my friends, you make me who i am. each and everyone of you is precious to me, and some of you have changed my life forever. you know who you are ♥

*grins from ear to ear*

Ghana is totally confirmed and booked. And i have a moustache tattooed on my finger. 8D


Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.
Now, I've wanted to try making Cookie Monster cupcakes for ages, but haven't really known how much time they'd need to make etc. (I tend to bake quickly before work at the moment, rather than putting aside time to Do More Baking).

I found myself awake yesterday morning with a slightly obscene amount of time to kill before heading out the door, so whacked on the oven and baked up some cookies. Then i had a wave of, i dunno, something, that told me that I really ought to try covering my kitchen with blue food colouring, so i went for it!

These cake are surprisingly easy to make, but very messy and they do take a little patience. I plan to make a giant one too for a friends upcoming birthday, which should be great fun to do!

I used blue butter icing, and blue dyed dessicated coconut for the "fur" effect. I will warn you though, these are NOT suitable for anyone with E-number issues (as i seem to be getting more and more as i age!), as my colleagues found out after I'd scoffed one at work! Bouncing down the tills and collapsing in fits of hysterics is always amusing for the customer i suppose. ;)

I was really pleased with how these turned out anyways, there were a couple of things I'd change for next time but overall i was really impressed!

Hope you like them!



Ask me to take photographs of any aspect of my life that you're interested in/curious about. Leave your requests as a comment to this entry. I'll snap the pictures and share them in another post.

Stolen from Gemma as it looks like it could be quite interesting! :D


All smiles :)

Little bit lost and...
A little bit lonely
Little bit cold here
A little bit feared

But I hold on
And I
Feel strong
And I
Know that I can

Getting used to it
Lit the fuse to it
Like to know who I am

Been talking to myself forever, yeah
And how I wish I knew me better, yeah
Still sitting on a shelf and never
Never seen the sun shine brighter
And it feels like me
On a good day

And it feels like me
On a good day

I’m a little bit hemmed in
A little bit isolated
A little bit hopeful
A little bit cold

But I hold on
And I
Feel strong
And I
Know that I can

Getting used to it
Lit the fuse to it
Like to know who I am

Been talking to myself forever, yeah
And how I wish I knew me better, yeah
Still sitting on a shelf and never
Never seen the sun shine brighter

And it feels like me
On a good day

Been talking to myself forever, yeah
And how I wish I knew me better, yeah
Still sitting on a shelf and never
Never seen the sun shine brighter
And it feels like me
On a good day

So, i guess i'm going to Ghana then :D


Went to Stongehenge today. Pretty awesome. Will upload more pics tomorrow/friday, but have these for now! Or, y'know, go look at Facebook :P



It's in your eyes, a colour fade out,
Looks like a new transition.
The starting up and shaking your ground,
Turning your head to see a new day calling.

Does it feel like a head to lean on?
A snapshot from where you were born.
I'm looking for your hand in the rough,
You're caught in the wire...
Well I'll lift you out.

Leading on the action,
Caught out of cell phones rays.
Bleeding on the sofa,
Staring at the waistline.
He's coming and she knows it,
Even though she knows why.
Footsteps in the hallway,
Girl you haven't got time.

You gotta get out,
Go far away.

You gotta get out,
Go far away.

Darkness in the bedroom,
Maybe she is resting up?
Maybe she was out late,
Just come back from the club.
I can't hear her breathing,
Something doesn't seem right.
Killer in the hallway,
We're living on a set time.

We gotta get out,
Go far away.

We gotta get out,
Go far away.

gah. :/

"You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family"

Never a time has that been more true than now *sigh*.

Incredible burlesque gig last night, seriously tired at work, amazing friend that brings me Red Bull and makes me laugh out of my sleepy and then this.

Swings and roundabouts i guess.

In other news, finding myself listening to more and more clubby/dancey stuff.... It's ok, i'm ashamed of myself. This is the latest addiction...

Oh dear :P

May. 2nd, 2011


May. 2nd, 2011

I might also be addicted to this song too. :/ It's ok, i'm disturbing the rocker in me too ;D

Also, i want to look like one of those girls in the first 5 secs of the video. Don't care which one. All HAWT. ;P


May. 2nd, 2011

Love this song! Forgot how catchy it was until today :D I haven't updated properly in a while, will get on that when i stop for 5 mins. Having so many laughs at the moment though, still enjoying Life, The Universe and Everything.

I never believed it, but saying 'Yes' once in a while really does changes you. ♥

Stolen from... Everyone :D

So, let’s start out blunt. Have you had sex in the past month?

If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
Hairdresser XD

In the past 48 hours have you been under the influence?
Of what? Satan? Alcohol? Drugs? Rock and Roll? At least 2 of them...

The last person to hurt you apologizes, do you accept?
I have. But i haven't forgotten :/

Do you tend to hold grudges?
Sadly, yes :P

What do you hear right now?
Nothing but the oven!

Anyone or anything in particular make your day better today?
Yeah, my friends. For being awesome.

The person who hurt you the most calls & needs you, do you go?
Depends what they need me for. Probably yes, cause i seem to be a sad sap for those people in trouble :/

What is bothering you right now?
Not much, actually! Maybe the thought of going back to work tomorrow XD

What was your first thought when you woke up today?
Shit, it's late... And tequila was a bad idea...

Did you have a good weekend?
I did actually. I had brunch yesterday with my friend Dodo, then went for a lesuirely walk along the seafront. Which ended up at the pub. Typical that :P Then i went partaying (unexpectedly) with a lovely girl from work, met her MENTAL friends, andmight have found a new housemate. Today was spent sleeping the tequila off, basic housework and chilling with my gnomies.

Do your friends usually come to you with problems?
Mostly :/

Is it easy to make you cry?
If you make me mad, yeah :D

Stop the rumour or keep it going?
At the moment? STOP THE DAMN RUMOUR.

Do you use the word like a lot when you talk?
I hope not :D

Do you like to plan things out or just go with the flow?
I like to plan! I love lists :D But at the moment i'm more going with stuff and letting life happen. Been a good move so far :)

Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone?
Ummmm, Ginge probably!

What did you eat today?It wasn't a good day today :P Bag of crisps, then a roast this evening (which was a-m-a-z-i-n-g; roasted butternut squash and carrots FTW!!) and i'm probably going to go and try some of my work collegues homemade marmalade in a bit ;P

Out of the following, what do you feel right now: angry/sad/happy?
Content. :)

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
It appears so.

Talk to any of your ex’s?
All but one really!

Ever liked someone else’s boyfriend/girlfriend?
Course. :P

Have you ever kissed a brown hair, brown eyed person?
*thinks* Yup.

Why are you doing this survey?
I am waiting for my smartie cakes to bake. Yes, at this time of night :P

Do you pass out at the sight of blood?
Nope! Love it :D

Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?
Some of them yes. Some of them i'm far better off without. :)

Looking back did you ever waste time on a certain boy or girl?
Hell yeah :P

Think back to September, were you in a relationship?

What kind of shoes did you wear today?
My pumps!

Do you currently have a hickey?

What's on your mind right now?
Plenty! Like go take my cakes out the oven....

Anything on your body hurt right now?
My finger - just burned it getting my cakes out the oven XD But i now have smartie cake AND banana loaf! And homemade soups too :D

What was the last thing somebody bought you?
Kim - girlie from work - bought me some well cute jewellery to say thanks for taking her to the Eliza gig ^_^

Is there a girl that knows everything or mostly everything about you?
Nope. Probably a bloke or two, but no girls.

Have you ever broken anything because you were mad?
Yes :D

Are you currently frustrated with a boy/girl?

Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
Yup! Digital Love and the Spaghetti man *lols to self*

Would you rather marry Edward Cullen, or take a million dollars?
Take the money ;)

What color are your eyes?

The boy/girl you truly care about needs you at 3 AM, would you go?
Of course.

When was the last time you totally broke down?
I had a minor thing last week, but i'm ok now. :)

Do you like getting told what to do?
Depends on the situation ;D

Does it bother you when people try to make you jealous?
Nah :D

Is anyone protective over you?
Somewhere, maybe. My brother is i suppose!

When & who was the last time you gave someone the finger?
About 20 minutes ago. Ginge was taking the piss.

Who’s the first person you turn to when you need a shoulder to cry on?
If it was a person to rant to rather than cry on, then probably Dodo.

Anybody you’re looking forward to seeing soon?
Of course! Always :D

Is there someone you wish you were talking to right now?

Has someone disappointed you recently?
Mostly me, but yeah, a couple of others.

Anyone you hate?
Oh yes. With the fire of a thousand raging suns.

What time did you go to sleep last night?
Like, 5.30am? O_o

Do you think a lot of people think bad things about you?
Yeah, most likely. Don't really care 99% of the time though!

What grade is the last person who texted you in?
Grade? Haha. Adulthood :D

Will this weekend be a good one?
The one coming up? Hopefully! Birthday or possibly burly on the saturday and picnictimes and burly or possibly pub quiz on the sunday.

When you’re really upset, what do you do?
Go throw shit in the sea.

The last person you kissed..?

Can you honestly say you’re okay right now?
Right now? Yeah :)

What were you doing at 8 this morning?

Where were you at 7pm on Friday night?
Oooh, theres a question! *thinks* Oh, at work! :D

Are you together with the last person you kissed?

Last person you rode in a car with under the age of 21?
Uh..... Whilst i was under 21 or they were? Either way, i have no idea :D

What did you do today?
Slept, walked, baked, cooked, made soup and watched TV about lolworthy people pretending they have talent. DOLPHIN TIMES!

What were you doing at 1am this morning?
Dancing the night away! I even worre heels. And a skirt. For those of you new to my f-list, i have only ever worn heels out for an entire night twice before. And both of those have been int he last 6 weeks.... Surprised i don't have broken legs tbh :P

What do you have planned for tonight?
I should really be going to sleep :D I shall probably go to bed with a book, or possibly a film.

Do you want to see somebody right now?
Always :)

Your last hug was where?
On the common :P

Would your parents care if you came home at 4 am?
Probably not. They don't care about much, especially as i haven't ever lived with my Dad, and haven't lived with my mum in 9/10ish years ;P

Was last night terrible?
Last night was amazing. Met some great new friends, danced, got slightly inebriated and had a whale of a time. Really, seriously loving life right now. ^_^

My week! :D

Might this be...? Surely not...? A proper update?! Wow, miracles *DO* happen!

I've just had an entire week off of work, the first in 6 whole months. Boy did i need it too! It's amazing how refreshed you feel after just a coupla days out of the hell hole the madness inducing cesspit Dept for the criminally insane ... uh, work! ;)

I think i managed to fill *every* single day though! It was really good being able to catch up with friends etc and being able to spend proper time with them, as opposed to "oh fuck work tomorrow" or "shit, just run home from work" time.

Friday 1st was my lovely Siana's last day at work. She's a girl i started at M&S with all that time ago, and she's pretty damn amazing. Very funny, very bubbly. We're gonna miss her something rotten! :( But we gave her a good send off, and managed to collect £90(!!) for her! We went for a chinese after work too, at which we talked about the most random things in the world including taking the piss out of her parking (seriously, 15 tries!), bad oral sex (LOLS) and how good it was of her to smack me in the eye with her keys as we were leaving. Gonna miss that girl.

Saturday 2nd was a day for catching up at home with washing and housework and all that boring shit. Also fixed my bike in an attempt to try and get fit again. HA! It was also Mister Joe Black's House Of Burlesque. Which was FUCKING amazing. Some of the performers were just sensational! Gutted to be missing the next one, but my cousin is getting married. Ah well. ;)

Sunday 3rd was filled with sleeps and recoving from gins and baking and travelling up on the coach to Nodnol to see my lovely poggs. Had been far far too long! I shall be travelling about to see people more often from now on, and London is always one of my favorite places to go. Especially when you get NOMMY foods. Not used to being cooked for, was delish! Although i did bring him chocolate cherry cake, which we then made Pimms icing for. WIN. :D:D

Monday 4th - more London adventures! Slept late and lazed about for a massive portion of the day, then had a casual stroll (read; baking tube) to Camden to wander. Found the most amazing display of Singer sewing machines EVER. Just randomly in the window of a shop by the bridge! I want to say the All Saints store? Think that's right. Must go back with my actual camera (guess who forgot theirs?) and take more pics. Amazing. We then wandered from Camden back to Islington for more noms, seriously love PIE. ♥
My coach back was silly late, and i'm glad i realised i'd been directed to the wrong terminal 10 mins before it was due to leave 'cause i am seriously unfit right now and the running was so bloody funny!

Tuesday 5th tidying up the house 'cause i'd clearly made the mistake of leaving the boys home alone for the weekend... And just general slobbing. Nice slow day.

Wednesday 6th consisted of Sammy time (girl i met through work and is pretty amazing), which included much mooching on the beach, some chips and maybe some icecreams. May have also included some sunburns :P
In the evening i went out partaying with Joe (seriously, you all need to come party with him; he's fucking amazing). We ended up drunk (no surprises there) and in the most godawful club i've ever been to in my life. Love student nights when you're all grown up and stuff ;P

Thursday 7th More mooching about, mostly at home with the moglets and then around Canoe Lake and the seafront with Dodo. Then to the pub for Gintimes and the local chinese for more NOMS. I have liked my food this week :D Awesome bloody evening though.

Friday 8th Baking. Baking, baking, baking. Clearly i looooooooove the cake. My friend Darren and his alter ego Sally Monella had a BBQ sat, so i baked and cooked foods and stuff. Love having time to do that stuff!! Proper cous cous and everything, none of this packet shit.

Saturday 9th Buttercream and topping time. :D Seriously, i don't know what i'd be doing at the moment if it wasn't for the baking. People might start to waste away if i stop, so i'm gonna keep going... I think i might need to rent a popup shop and see how well my cakes go down in this city... ;P
Went along to the BBQ with Dodo and met up with some amazing friends, so not so amazing ex-acquaintances, and some downright oddness. But Henry Westons cider and uber-stong-blow-your-brains-out Pimms sorted them out nicely. We laughed lots and ate much and everyone loved my cakes. I know i can bake ok-ish, but it's still lovely to hear that they're good, makes you all warm and fuzzy inside! And Tia Maria icing is actually one of the Most Amazing Things Ever. Seriously. Shame i can't make that for work, might chill some peeps out a tad ;)

Great end to a great week.

Sunday 10th back to work! But the day ended with Thai nommage and an awesome pub quiz. Arson Fire came 2nd to last! Seriosuly need a bigger team :D but friend from work popped along too (bloody drunkard!) which was lovely, so we had a little help :D

Monday 11th... Then today, i have baked lots again. Many, many cakes have been made, and most of them consumed. I was finally able to get my hands on a "Cake" Mould - (here!!) too, so that has been tested and cakeage is ready for work tomorrow! I don't have a pic of that one yet, but woo! Must do a proper cakeage post soon :D

Anyways, i guess i'd better finally shut up! I've been trying to be a more positive person recently, and having met possibly the most optimistic person in the world this has been creeping along fairly nicely. Thankyou, that person ♥

Anyways, i'm off to make more icing. Or maybe some pie. We'll see. Toodles! :D

Flickr meme! :D

The Rules:
- Answer each of the questions below using the Flickr Search engine.
- Choose a photo from the first three pages.
- Copy the URL of your favorite photo into this site: bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php
- Save mosaic to some form of photo hosting thing, and share with the world.

1. First Name
2. Favorite Food
3. Hometown
4. Favorite Color
5. Celebrity Crush
6. Favorite Drink
7. Dream Vacation
8. Favorite Dessert
9. What I Want To Be When I Grow Up
10. What I Love Most In The World
11. One Word That Describes Me
12. My LiveJournal Name

My worded answersCollapse )


Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all their heart.

Just saw this on a friends post and thought it was lovely ♥


Writer's Block: Soul together

If you could have the ability to hear everything your best friend or romantic partner was thinking, but you couldn't switch it off (or tell them), would you want it?

Yes and no. For 24 hours, then switch it off? Yeah, i'd guess i'd like to know what bothers people about me and what they like, so i could do more of one and less of the other. But permenatly?! NO WAY. :P
Baby button mushrooms in tomato sauce with spinich. On toast lols. With wines! Forgot how much i ♥ having time off and a clean kitchen ;)